The Thread of Fate
by Kontradiction
Summary: What if Alanna had accepted Jon? What would her life be like? I bet this has been done before, but it's just a songfic, pretty angsty, sad, ya know.


Disclaimer: All the characters in this story are the property of Tamora Pierce. The lyrics of the song are the property of Dido. Anything else is copyright to me. Please do not take without consent.  
  
The Threads of Fate  
  
Alanna sat next to the fire, her tears fell onto her folded hands. George.why did everything remind her of him? She dug her perfectly manicured fingernails into perfect lily white hands. He's dead Alanna, accept reality. He knew being the rogue was dangerous. It was his decision. There was nothing you could have done. Stop living in the past. You're happily married. You have children. You have responsibility.  
  
Jon walked into the room. He was taller then ever. His commanding presence had grown. He looked angry, "Alanna, stop moping! Get dressed. The embassies from the Copper Islands will be here any minute. Some days I regret ever." He cut off what he was about to say, but Alanna knew what he meant. She should never have been Queen. Jon should have married someone else, like that Thayet, the one whom he'd drooled over for a year, before Alanna had sent her away. He threw up his hands and walked into the other room in their suite. Alanna stood and walked to the mirror, pushing her long red hair back. She wished, for a moment, that she was wearing the ember that the goddess had given her, but she had lost that, a couple of days before she married Jon. It had been a nice trinket, but she had others now. Others which she never wore. She pulled on the dress Jon had picked. She had let him pick her clothes at the start, she had no idea how a queen was supposed to dress, and now it was habit. She never wore clothes that Jon hadn't picked or approved. He smiled approvingly when he saw her in the dress, "You look lovely Alanna, I got you this. It goes so well with that dress, don't you think?" He didn't wait for her to answer before he clipped the trinket around her neck. Why does his every present, his every trinket seem weigh on me. Seem to bind me, like manacles and chains? Jon smiled oblivious to her plight. And Alanna smiled back, there was nothing else she could do.  
  
If you were a King,  
  
Up there on your throne,  
  
Would you be wise enough to let me go?  
  
For this queen you think you own,  
  
Longs to be a hunter, again,  
  
Longs to see the world, alone, again,  
  
To take a chance on life, again  
  
So let me go.  
  
Alanna stood on the balcony. Tears ran down her face. So many empty promises. What had nothing happened the way Jon had promised it would? I will love you forever, he had promised. How could the mighty Prince Jonathon love her forever. He could never be content with just one woman. Nothing will change, You will still be my Champion. His Champion in bed perhaps, or his Champion in bearing children. I will never be a knight again. He'd said she would be able to see the whole world, you and me, he'd promised. Anything you want, even should I need to go to the ends of the earth. But then came Jon's heir. The Queens first duty. And after Lianna there had been Roald, then Rhiannon, then Thom. And then she had run out of time. Nobody wants to see an old queen pretending to be a knight. Sword calluses had disappeared. All the tiny nicks and scratches. Yes she had a ladies hands now.  
  
Alanna schooled her face. She was good at hiding her emotions now. Her regrets. She could stand with Jon, and play the lady. Do I truly play the lady though, or am I merely the lady pretending not to be? Alanna banished the thought. She would do this for Jon. She was not the lioness any longer. I am a queen, I am not a hunter, and I will never be again, She moved closer to the railing, and the memories came rushing back. The first time she had said "Jon, I'm pregnant." She had been so happy, and yet, just two years later, she had stood on this same balcony. Stood on this railing. She hadn't jumped. The old Alanna would have had the guts too. Jon joined her. Why did he always have to be the intruder? As if she were nothing more then an extension of him.  
  
"This was where I first crowned you my queen." He said. Alanna forced a smile, "Yes. Yes, it was."  
  
If you were a King,  
  
Up there on your throne,  
  
Would you be wise enough to let me go?  
  
For this queen you think you own,  
  
Longs to be a hunter, again,  
  
Longs to see the world, alone, again,  
  
To take a chance on life, again  
  
So let me go,  
  
Let me leave,  
  
For this crown you've placed upon my head,  
  
Feels too heavy now,  
  
And I don't know what to say to you,  
  
But I'll smile anyhow,  
  
And all the time I'm thinking, thinking,  
  
I want to be a hunter, again,  
  
I want to see the world, alone, again,  
  
To take a chance on life, again  
  
So let me go. 


End file.
